Collaborative Teamwork in Estate and Trusts
Frequently Asked Questions
By Nancy J. Ross, LCSW, BCD

Why create a Collaborative team for those who need to plan for their wills and trusts?

Most clients enter the estate and trust arena with the same fears we all have when it comes to discussing money and death. Sometimes they have good reasons for not discussing their plans. With some families, the result would not be a productive discussion. However, for most people, their fear is far greater than the reality. Most trust and estate lawyers recognize this and are experts at helping their clients through the difficult task of creating a document that expresses their wishes. They generally don’t, however, venture into the territory of helping their clients talk directly with their family members. Family therapists, who are trained in helping families effectively communicate and problem-solve together are skilled in this area and can help families discuss and resolve even the most difficult problems both pre-mortem and post-mortem.

 What is different about including a family therapist in the role of a Communication Coach?

Traditionally, families either haven’t seen the need or don’t understand the value of utilizing a mental health professional to prevent (or manage) the emotional problems that inevitably accompany the specter of death or the results of its aftermath. If the family did consult with a therapist, it wasn’t to prevent problems but instead to address mental health issues already present. Involving an experienced family therapist who could work closely with the lawyer during the planning or after the death has not been seen as an option. In addition, therapists, if they were involved at all, kept their work confidential as did the lawyer; neither talked with the other. 

The idea that the lawyer and therapist could share information that would benefit the client as well as his/her family is a relatively new one. With the lawyer and the mental health professional working together, sharing information, and strategizing on how best to help the family, the client gets the best of both worlds; expertise at creating an estate plan while helping them face the challenges of actually talking about their wishes with their loved ones ahead of time or helping emotionally wrought family members after a death maintain their relationships with each other and minimize costly, destructive, legal actions.

What exactly do these Communication Coaches do?

They meet with the client(s) to assess the family dynamics and focus on the unique challenges their particular family faces. They will strategize with the client(s) on effective ways of beginning their difficult conversations. Working closely with the family’s estate / trust lawyer, if appropriate, they then may facilitate open dialogues amongst family members that help them create a more trusting environment. In this way, family members can explore any fears or family history that may be impeding their discussions or address particular issues that the clients have not been able to resolve. A couple, for example, may be struggling with how to “fairly” distribute their wealth among their children, some of whom may get an “unequal” share of their parent’s estate due to one child’s mental illness or chemical dependency. The family therapist will create a structure and a road map for the family to tackle these challenging issues with a goal that leads the family toward effective problem solving. The goal is always to find ways to preserve family relationships.

Won’t clients be wary of being referred to a “mental health professional"?

Collaboratively trained mental health professionals wear many hats, from Divorce Coach to Family Facilitator/Communication Coach. It is the latter designation that seems to fit the family estates and trusts model. Having the role described as one where a trained professional helps the family actually talk about  difficult topics and prevent problems, makes it easier for lawyers to present the idea. The goal is not “therapy” in a traditional sense, but rather about having a licensed professional who is trained in Collaborative work, who has a background in family dynamics, and is knowledgeable about the developmental stages of the family, be able to facilitate discussions in ways that are productive for the family going forward.

What are the qualifications of the Communication Coach? Can anyone just hang out a shingle?

The qualifications for Communication Coach are the same ones that the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) requires for Mental Health Professionals who serve as Divorce Coaches in the interdisciplinary Collaborative Divorce process. They are required to have a professional state license for their discipline and be in good standing with their respective professional organizations. They need to be a member in good standing in IACP and belong to a local practice group. In addition, they need 12 hours of Interdisciplinary Collaborative Training, a minimum of 30 hours of mediation training, 15 further hours in interest based negotiations, communication skills, and additional Collaborative training or basic professional coach training. Within their discipline, they need to have training and experience in the individual and family life cycle and development, assessment of individual and family strengths, assessment and challenges of family dynamics in separation and divorce.  

In addition, since the field of trusts and estates differs in many ways from divorce, they need to have an in-depth knowledge of family dynamics when facing death / dying as well as issues specific to trusts and estates. They also need to be familiar with the language of the field to be able to work effectively with lawyers.

What if the client is sensitive to spending money and resists the idea of involving a Communication Coach?

Most lawyers find that when they explain what the Communication Coach actually does and describes his/her experiences in working with this model, clients intuitively understand the benefits of including a mental health professional. Often lawyers will suggest that the individual or couple meet with a Communication Coach just once to see if it would be helpful. Clients often find benefit in just one meeting and, of course, they always have the option of deciding whether or not to work with the professional at all.

What are some of the other roles the Collaborative mental health professionals play in the Trust and Estate arena?

Depending on their training and professional experience, they may also serve as Elder Specialists. In this role, they may be consultants to the lawyer, the family, work directly with one or both clients, or provide appropriate resources for the client / family to help cope with specific age-related issues.

In case specific situations, where the heirs are polarized, it may be appropriate for each of them to have their own collaboratively trained Coach. In this situation, the coaches meet with each person(s) separately and obtain their goals and concerns, while working with them to effectively and non-defensively present their views. Then, in larger group meetings, all of the heirs meet together with their coaches to problem solve and resolve difficult issues.

Ideally, in each of these scenarios described above, the Lawyer may choose to be present providing
his / her expertise while working alongside the Mental Health Professional in helping the family understand the issues from a legal standpoint.